Transform your Yo Yo Dieting with Emotional Freedom Technique
Welcome to the Satiated Podcast where we explore physical and emotional hunger, satiation and healing your relationship with your food and body. I'm your host Stephanie Mara Fox, your Somatic Nutritional Counselor. I’m looking forward to chatting with Sherry Lukey today. Sherry is an international EFT tapping expert and a Certified Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner for heart-centered high achievers. Using her unique skills and R3 framework, she has transformed herself and empowered thousands of ambitious entrepreneurs and leaders to be who they were meant to be and live a life with no regrets! She’s been featured in Forbes, Beyond the Couch and the Fearless and Successful podcasts. Welcome Sherry!
Sherry Lukey 00:53
Thank you so much for having me, Stephanie. I'm so excited to be here. And just I'm so I just want to say so much how important your work is and how important this podcast is. So thank you and looking forward to sharing with your with your listeners.
Stephanie Mara 01:06
I'm so excited to have you here today. And let's start out with how did you get into EFT? What is a little bit of your background?
Sherry Lukey 01:15
Yeah, for sure. So I came to it out of desperation. Stephanie. So about 10 years ago, I probably hit rock bottom for myself, I was you know, I was super sick. I was constantly getting viruses. And then I needed antibiotics and second round antibiotics. And, you know, when I put on a whole bunch of weight that just kept coming on and I felt depressed, my finances were in a bad place, everything was just not good. And I finally got in to see a medical specialist. And after about four months of tests, he said, Well, I'm really sorry, Sherry, but you're one of the four people in the world that I don't know what's wrong with and nothing more can be done for you. And after coming home and falling apart for a couple months, my kind of I have kind of an A type creative combination. And my A type kicked in and was like, I'm not willing to accept that prognosis. And so I actually and any types out there will totally get this I actually graphed my life, Stephanie. I broke it in, I broke it into health, finance and relationships, because I thought if I could figure out when everything went wrong, I might be able to figure out what happened and how I could solve it. And the graph really looked like a roller coaster. Relationships were a little better than the health and finances. But there was one particular little spot on the graph. And that was I have twin girls that are perfectly fine. And they're adults. So when one of them was 15, she had a serious horseback riding accident that I witnessed. She had a horse rear up and land on her and then roll off. And when it happened, I thought she had actually died. She ended up breaking her pelvis on both sides and ruptured her bladder and in a wheelchair for two months. And you know, and crutches for another month after that. But like I said, she's all good now. But what started to happen after that was I started to decline really quickly. And so when I looked at that graph and saw that low spot, I was like, Okay, well, how would I describe it? And it was like, well, it was really traumatic. So then I type in trauma into Google. And right away PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder comes up and I did surveys, and it was like, yep, that's what you have. And then the obvious question is, well, how do I cure it? And it took a little digging, because a lot of the top results were not promising. Many were like, there's no cure. But as I started to dig, EFT, which is Emotional Freedom Technique came up as being exceptional with trauma. And so I really threw myself at it. But interesting, like, like I said, the graph was really roller coaster. So I had health and finance issues my whole life that I'd been trying to sort out and had tried just about everything under the sun, alternative and mainstream, and everything of value, but nothing stuck. So when I decided to try this, I didn't tell my family at all, because I was quite certain it wasn't going to work because it's a little strange. And because nothing else had worked. But I was shocked because within a month, I started to get quiet in my head. And I didn't realize how busy it was in there until I finally got quiet because you can sort of take your head and put it on somebody else's shoulders and say, Oh, wow, I'm really busy in there. And then after about three months, I actually started to feel really hopeful and energetic and you know, and all the weight melted off, which was quite bizarre because that wasn't the focus. I was just wanting to get healthy and I was like okay, this is profound results for something seeming to be very simple in size for the next few months putting the pieces together and then was like I have to help people so I got certified in all the restaurants.
Stephanie Mara 04:16
Wow, I just been nodding my head like oh, I can feel the roller coaster experience of that journey in my body as well. So I would love for you to explain more. Why is EFT and how would it support someone in their relationship with food?
Sherry Lukey 04:35
Yeah, so So EFT so like I said, it stands for emotional freedom technique, but it's more commonly known as tapping because what you actually do is tap on acupressure points but your high concentrations of nerve endings on the upper body enhance I mean we have acupressure points all over our body but just for convenience, we just use the upper body and when you stimulate those by tapping on them, it sends a soothing signal through the nervous system to the amygdala. Light, which is the part of our brain that decides whether or not we need to go into stress response, which is fight flight and freeze. And what it does is it interrupts that. And so what happens is super cool it feels almost miraculous is because the subconscious is job is to keep us alive and breathing. And I actually I have two green balls behind me. So I have to describe it because we're on a podcast. So I have one little tiny one that is like the size of a marble, and at the aside the end of your finger kind of thing and to them. And the other one is a giant green exercise ball that you can barely get your arms around. And why I use those two is one, the smaller one is your conscious mind. The bigger one is your subconscious. And when I refer to subconscious, it's really your body, right? Because it's everywhere, right. And when the subconscious feels that there's a threat, it immediately goes into stress response. And so by soothing that signal, the now the subconscious and body come on site to help heal, because they're not worried about keeping you alive and breathing. And what becomes available is like, it's like the blood flow basically comes back out of your primal brain and into your frontal lobe and into the higher brain centers where you can start to see things differently, start to make better choices have new perspectives. And by having that signal, soothe, it's like, it's really miraculous, it's like information starts to bubble up and become available to you. And that's, you know, as far as I'm concerned, it's like the, it's the thing that saved me. But I mean, there's all kinds of different ways, the most important piece is soothing the nervous system, which I know is your thing as well, because it's like we get so stuck in our heads, that we think that if we can think our way out of this, and really, we need to involve the body and tapping has a wit has involved it by soothing that system so that we can get access to more information.
Stephanie Mara 06:36
Yeah, that's such an excellent point that we can't talk our way out of feeling threatened, because that experience is happening in the body. And then all of our habits and patterns actually come out of a response of that. And so I love your explanation of Yeah, we need to move from one part of our brain to a different part of our brain by first tapping into the body, and showing the body that it's safe right now.
Sherry Lukey 07:07
Exactly like I say, it's kind of like it can't tell the difference between you just thinking about a tiger or there actually being a tiger in the room with you. And so by by letting it know that it's like you're actually safe, it allows you to feel those feelings so that and it's not you don't feel threatened by them. And it's and then you can actually begin to process them and most importantly, get the information from them, and then be able to release them. And you know, and the other part that I talked about with the subconscious is, is that it's like those memories are really in the ways of being and beliefs about ourselves in the world are really set up before the age of seven before we really have a filter. And so then we just keep expressing that. And so those patterns of behavior are so ingrained in our body and in our subconscious that it's like, it's just becomes automatic. And we don't even know, we don't even realize we're doing it. But if we can just stop and interrupt that in some way, then it's like we can begin to change.
Stephanie Mara 08:02
Yeah, I really appreciate you pointing out that a lot of the times, our present day behaviors are coming from a time of our life that we may not actively remember. And so all of our experiences as a baby, as a child, I even sometimes if individuals feel comfortable talking to their parents asking them what their birth was like. So all of these experiences shaped the way that you interact with your world. And it's not all of a parent's responsibilities to shape that. There's so many different things that shape one's experience of the world. I think a lot of parents put that onus on themselves and like to kind of take that off a little bit.
Sherry Lukey 08:47
No, I love that. I love that. Stephanie, because it's like, because I have twins, right? And so and I was with them for most of those seven years. And what's been in and I didn't come to this work till they were 17. And so yes, it's just as you do, I'd love to give parents some cut some some slack, because I know that and I get and I've been working with my girls individually ever since then. Because once they saw the transformation in me, they wanted to feel the same way. And what I can say for absolute certain is that because they're twins, that's like they, you know, everything's the same pretty much right? But how they interpreted the world, Stephanie was completely different. And there were times where I know if I did a consensus of 50 parents, they'd say, yeah, that was the right thing to do. And it might be the wrong thing to do for one or both of them. And then there were other times when I thought, well, that has to have been traumatic and it wasn't. And so it really, you know, yes, we're guilty and innocent as parents, but at the same time, it's like there's so much that people that we come into the world with how we want to learn and interpret. And before that 87 Especially like you say, as a baby and you don't have the ability to filter out, you know, and make that decision that it's like, oh, what's happening isn't my fault. And that's huge.
Stephanie Mara 09:54
Yeah, yeah. So really the present day habits and patterns I find that A lot of modalities also are trying to understand it, which sometimes that can be supportive. And that can be important. And sometimes we actually don't need to understand why something is happening. It's identifying, oh, my body doesn't feel safe right now, how can I support it through this experience? And that's what I'm hearing kind of EFT did for you and those that you've worked with?
Sherry Lukey 10:25
Yes. And I would say absolutely, to both. Yeah, I mean, for some, it's important to go back and you know, and process those really difficult times and information and get the beliefs that got set up, you know, and they're almost always limiting. And then there's also the present moment of of wanting to address what's going on presently. And also just having that tool of awareness, like I've heard you say so often on your podcast. So you know, awareness is the first thing and I see the same thing, because that you can't change what you're not aware of. Right? It's like the first art in my artistry is recognized, which is basically another word for awareness, right? So you need this tool to not only be present, sometimes it needs to go back to heal, you know, past stuff, and you need it going forward. Because there's going to be stuff that happens. That's just part of being on the planet.
Stephanie Mara 11:09
Yeah. So this are three framework that you've created. I'd love to hear more about that. And what is it?
Sherry Lukey 11:17
Yeah, so I wanted to come up with a way to easily reference for people to easily know what to do, because that's always the question of kind of like, Okay, that's great. But what how do I do it, and the brain loves threes. So I did three R three. So the first R stands for recognize, like I said, and so it's that recognizing that you've gone into a stress response, recognizing that you're having a, you know, a body experience, recognizing that you've got some negative thoughts going on. That's the first part. The second piece is reprogramming. And, and for me, I use tapping and teach tapping, so people have that tool. But like I said, it can be other ways, you just have to find a way to turn that stress response off. And that's the reprogramming the third art is to reinforce so once you've recognized once you've reprogrammed, now you want to reinforce what you want to actually think about and have those, that's where the affirmations come in. It's like, no one's like, it's safe for me to, to, you know, go up to this restaurant, it's safe for me to eat this food. It's you know, that's, that's where that piece comes in. And you reinforce and because the subconscious lends to repetition, you know, like when we're learning to drive a car, right? Initially, it's so scary, because we're having to focus and use our conscious mind. And then we get to a point where now we can have a tea and have a conversation don't even remember getting there. Well, that's the repetition. Right? And so that's where the reinforce comes from.
Stephanie Mara 12:32
Awesome. I'd love to hear an example of how you've seen this play out with someone's relationship with their food or body that you've worked with someone? And what was the transformation that you saw in someone utilizing EFT?
Sherry Lukey 12:47
Yeah, so and that's the, I love to use the word relationship, because it really is, it's a relationship with ourselves with food with everything, right. And that's actually what I discovered that although my graph looked like roller coaster, and I said the relationship look a little better. What I found out later was my relationship with myself really sucked. And that was needed to change. But an example of a client was again, I work mostly with high achievers, and she was very successful, had beautiful relationships, very successful business. And she was almost phobic to go into the kitchen, food just absolutely triggered her, she went into primal brain to the point where she was almost shaking when she had to go into the kitchen to make a meal. And she was so frustrated, because it was like she had completely, you know, felt so successful in these other areas, and yet couldn't manage this area. And, you know, through tapping, what we discovered was, is that she'd actually had some, you know, a few, but two significant experiences when she was young one was when she was in kindergarten, and according to the people around her, her body wasn't the right size. And I like to say that because, you know, we have a very society has a very limited idea of what healthy is and how we should be. And so anyways, the adults around her and decided that she was not the right size. And so they were sitting around, and they somebody had brought cookies, and she went to go grab a cookie, and she got her hand slapped and said not for you, you're greedy, and it was just devastating for her. And of course, she didn't understand what was going on. And so, you know, there it began this really unhealthy relationship with food, you know, and then you know, and there's multiple events, following that right of constant shaming, really, for eating and for, you know, and for her body and all of that. So, of course, she developed this, this phobia to food basically, right. And through tapping and healing those events. She's actually now she actually sent me a picture she was actually with friends and she made dinner. And she was smiling and beaming and just so proud of herself because she actually, she now walks in the kitchen doesn't even think about it, and is able to make a make meals and have fun and of course, as you and I both know, how critical it is to be in relaxation, when you're when you're doing anything but especially when you're eating Because it's like, if you're not, you cannot digest that food.
Stephanie Mara 15:03
Wow, I love that example. And, yeah, that relationship with food, it gets set up at such a young age. And those beliefs start there, of you're such a young little person, you don't really understand what's going on. And so your body is like, oh, I need to go into a fear response around food. So that as you grow older, that becomes habituated, that you walk into the kitchen, and you have that same fear response. And, yeah, I have done a lot of experiments with healing relationship with kitchen, even being in the kitchen and not even doing something like cooking, or interacting with food. But I've had even clients like, do something they love in the kitchen to start to create new memories in their body of like, this is a safe space for me to be in.
Sherry Lukey 15:57
Yeah, exactly. And I know for myself, like, I would not have thought, like, I always had body image things, but I wouldn't have thought that I had a poor relationship with food. And that was something I discovered for myself as well. Is is that through, like I said, when that stress response is off, it's like this information starts to bubble up. And then I had a memory of being really young, and my older sister because I was going to have a candy bar. And she was just like, you know, you're a fat spoiled brat. Because she, you know, it was just one of those dynamics, right? She's kid, she's a kid, I'm, you know, younger than her. And she was frustrated with me for whatever reason. And so that got stuck in my head. And and developed, you know, this aversion to certain foods. So it was like, Oh, I can have that, but I can't have this. And, and that became really caught in my conscious awareness of like, oh, my gosh, yeah, no, this is not not healthy. Yeah.
Stephanie Mara 16:46
Thanks for sharing that example. Because I think a lot of individuals kind of judge themselves for having good foods or bad foods, or they've tried to change that. But actually, labeling something as a good food or bad food is even your way to feel some sense of protection. If I don't eat the bad food, then the people around me might accept me and love me, and I won't be a bad person.
Sherry Lukey 17:10
Yes, exactly. Yeah. And that's, and it's so and it just sets it up for immediately stress response, right. And so as soon as you're in stress response, your options are fight flight and freeze, you know, and that and body does what it's supposed to do, which is to take all the resources and move them away from the non essential functions and digestion is one of them.
Stephanie Mara 17:27
Yeah, yeah. So how does someone get started with EFT? Where does someone find resources? How does someone dive into this if they're listening to this and really interested in kind of learning more trying it out on themselves?
Sherry Lukey 17:41
Yeah, for sure. And I guess one of the other things I wanted to say about our body and subconscious, like, it's just so illogical, right, like, when we talked about someone walking into the kitchen and having this huge, visceral response, you know, which is just doesn't make sense, right. And so illogical is, you know, we try to solve these problems logically, with with in an EN LA illogical plays kind of thing, right. And so when you think about when I send people to tapping resources, I always like to include that, because tapping does seem pretty strange, because you know, and the cool part is, is that you know, and in the gift that I'm going to be giving, there's a diagram that actually has finger points, so you can use them more discreetly, because it's, like I said, it does feel pretty strange to use them. I'm on a mission to make it mainstream so that people are like, somebody sees them doing Oh, somebody's tapping, instead of looking at like, okay, maybe we should call someone. But where you start is I have a free YouTube channel that has over 100, tapping on he was on it. And you know, and everyone has kind of a different style. And I just say that people, you know, you're welcome to use mine. There's all kinds of others as well. And the most important piece is is that, that you resonate, that you really feel connected to that person and up most people like, Well, how do I know when I said you actually, when you tune into it, you'll know within seconds, if you like their voice, if you like the words they use if you feel that, that sense of safety, which is something you talk about all the time, as well, which is the same for me that it's like if you don't feel safe with someone, you know, if you get that, that response, like I don't want to really be here, that's your body saying no, this isn't a fit kind of thing, right? And so you got to make sure they like the voice you like the words, you know, they like the pacing, and then you're good to go. So you can just type into Google and you know, whatever you're feeling or what's going on and then put it in YouTube and videos will come up or you can like say go to my channel and then same thing you can type in there. So that's the best place to start is to get an experience of it, you know, and then from there if you know you're needing more support, then that's where to me it's sort of like that's when you find somebody like yourself where it sort of you know you are you involve the body tapping is one of the tools that I use, but it's like there's so many other ways to you mostly just have to sue that system, you know, and I you know, I work one to one with people. I also have an online course but you know, it's different levels for different people as to where you're at kind of thing, but I just you know, this is really your specialty. So I love teaching people about tapping because it's another option, but to me, it's like you really want to find someone That's an expert in that. And that would be someone like you.
Stephanie Mara 20:02
I love that you're bringing in that healing is multi layered. Sometimes we have to create a self care team, that you might be working with actually a bunch of different practitioners to support your body in many different ways and knowing that it's safe now, like, I love that you brought in that sometimes we are trying to make sense of like, why am I doing this habit or pattern, but sometimes it's just illogical because you aren't online enough, you're in a fight or flight response, where you're just doing literally anything to make sure about your survival, and that you are going to be safe and okay.
Sherry Lukey 20:42
Yeah, exactly. And I think, you know, and that's one of the things that I use in my tapping videos all the time is, is that I, you know, that I'm letting my body and subconscious know that I'm safe. And quite often people are like, well, of course, I'm safe. And but the thing is, is that we really actually aren't, we've, we spent very often decades feeling threatened and being in stress response to one degree or another. And so it's so important to actually acknowledge and let our body and subconscious know that there is not a threat that I actually am safe, you know, and that this food or this, you know, being in the kitchen or whatever is not a threat to me, so that you can begin to switch into relaxation, because we're so that's the thing is subconscious also has like a, like I liken it like a thermostat, it has an upper level and a lower level. And it's that comfort zone, and that's where it wants to keep you. And even if the comfort zone absolutely sucks. That's what's familiar. So as far as it's concerned, that's what's safe, you know. And so what happens then is, is that when we come up against, let's start with the bottom, bottom fourth, we start to drop below that comfort zone. And that's when we kick into action, right? That's when the diets come in. That's when they when we start exercising and all the restrictions and things that we think all we're this is what's going to do it right. And it might bump us back up into that comfort zone. But the other one of the top end, which people don't really recognize that it's like, when we start to feel healthier, when we start to treat ourselves in a way that we're not familiar with, which is being kind and compassionate, is that the subconscious freaks out, because it's not familiar with it. And so we get all this resistance. And it's very confusing, because you would think that loving ourselves and feeling safe would be, Oh, you'd have arrived, it would be safe, like you just feel good, right? Well, it's not like that it actually takes time to get familiar with that new space of being calm and peaceful and loving and self compassion. And I know you talk about that self compassion, same thing that it's like, I feel like there's so much available if we can just make a tiny crack of self compassion, you know, because it's like, because there's, you can't be self compassionate, and then the stress response at the same time. And that's our first opportunity to break that pattern. Because especially in North America, like I work with people all over the all over the world. And it seems to be fairly consistent that we really like to beat ourselves up North Americans, like I'm in Canada, you're in the States, but North Americans are exceptional at beating ourselves up. And I know myself, I thought, well, if I got a bigger bat, and I just hit harder, maybe maybe we'd solve the problems, but that's not how we solve it, how we solve it is actually having that self compassion, you know, so, and I know you talked about it as well, that it's like, you know, when you've just devoured, you know, half the kitchen in, you're like, Oh, my God, I feel so horrible. You know, that's the time to put down the bat and bring in the self compassion.
Stephanie Mara 23:25
Yeah, absolutely. And I was talking to a colleague recently that we think that the hardest emotions to feel are things like depression, or sadness, or grief or despair. And actually, one of the hardest emotions to experience is joy and happiness. And so yeah, I agree with everything that you just said that when you are starting to move away from your habits and patterns that actually on some level have kept you feeling safe. For example, that might be dieting going on and off diets might have kept you feeling safe focusing on your body image might have kept you feeling safe, that there's something within your control, that actually is going to feel very uncomfortable at first, and even the body might be like, Are we okay? Are you in danger? You're not doing the thing that we normally do. And it's yes, it's being present in that experience and showing your body over and over again. We don't have to go on another diet, and we're still safe to not do that.
Sherry Lukey 24:29
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I think another thing I know you talked about as well is trauma. And you know, and especially for women, because we're very often the recipient of you know, unwanted sexual attention to varying degrees, you know, and that is such a body experience. And I know with a lot of the women that I've worked with, and fortunately a high percentage, I think it's pretty common is is that it comes out in ways that have ways of coping and one of them is is that if I put on more weight I'll physically take up more space, I won't be you know, quote unquote, attractive, and then it will prevent this unwanted attention. And it's so when they start to start to feel healthy and start to make these changes where they're starting to be more self compassion, that's when it often can start to surface. And that's where that self sabotage comes in. Because like you said, it's like, we've, this is what we've used to keep ourselves protected. And it might be very under the radar. In fact, most of the time it is it's in that subconscious place of like, this is how I keep myself safe. And so then when you start to change that, right away, that starts to surface. And what I love to tell about my explanation of trauma is that, yes, of course, rape and natural disasters, those are absolutely traumatic. But I think what people don't understand is that we can have events that are might be what can be, I guess, considered small t traumas, but they ended up having these huge impacts, because we hurt because it's so individual to how we experience something. So especially before the age of seven, like, you know, trauma really has three ingredients that that shock, you know, or surprise, a feeling of alone or isolated and a feeling of powerlessness or helplessness. And so if you think of that before the age of seven, that's most of the time, you know, that you're because there's no, you don't have any control of things, right. And so that's, you know, understanding that it's so individual. And that's why seven people can witness an accident, one person will be like, Oh, nobody got hurt, it's fine. And another person can't sleep the next night, because of how we interpret everything, and how to really honor that and not be so judgmental about oh, well, you know, that wasn't that big a deal. And it might have been for that person.
Stephanie Mara 26:41
Yeah, I think just the dialogue around trauma has gotten super popular, where individuals are now describing everything has trauma. And so I appreciate that example of, if we kind of want to define trauma, or even how I like to define trauma, is it something happened too much, too fast, and there was no one there to help you regulate. Yeah, and those skills start at a really young age, learning how to self regulate, if you had parents who taught you how to do that, or you saw examples of how to do that for yourself. And so even as you grow older, something can be experienced as traumatic if also, we don't know how to self regulate, or we don't have the external resources to co regulate. So there's actually a lot of different ways an event can get processed in our body, that only really, you know, if something felt too much too fast, and it left you feeling dysregulated for a long period of time.
Sherry Lukey 27:47
Yes, exactly. No, that's a really good description. Yeah. And I you know, and just to help people in case you don't know, what regulation means, is is that, that, you know, that feeling of being uncomfortable and feeling safe of being able to respond instead of react, and that's, you know, that's one of the big things that I that's for me is tapping gives you that opportunity to be able to respond instead of react, because it's literally at your fingertips, and it immediately suits that nervous system. But exactly, and that's, you know, which I think leads into another piece, which is the boundary piece, right? So not only, it's very well, I'd say very unlikely that you have parents that taught you how to regulate, taught you how to be able to self soothe out, you know, to be able to get back into that calm, peaceful place where you can think straight, if you did lucky, you, you're you're I think you're pretty much the exception, not the rule. The other one is boundaries, if that I talked about all the time is, is that we're, you know, as kids, we're constantly getting our boundaries breached, and as adults too, because it's like, our parents didn't know how to set healthy boundaries. We didn't learn it in school, it wasn't like grade four, you sat down and go and go, Okay, you know, this section, we're going to learn about healthy boundaries, you know, and so people are, you know, and they'll beat themselves up for that again, and I always say, Well, it's a skill. If you parents didn't have it, and their parents didn't have it, there's no way that you could have learned it. It's just not taught, but it is a skill that can be learned. And one of the things that people will often say to me, is this it? Well, I don't even know what a healthy boundary is. And I totally get it because that's, that's how it was, for me. I didn't know I have the boundaries and hit me in the face. So it was a learning process. And so now I'm able to teach it, but one of the things I'll say to people is, it's really easy to know, a boundary for someone else. So if someone else's being you know, said, You know, it's not nice things to them or whatever, you're very often feel very compelled to step in and go, that's fine. Okay. Right. But if someone's doing that to you, it's like, it's really difficult to go, That's not okay. And so what I always say to people is that if something's happening to flip the script, that it's like, if that was happening to your best friend, what would you think? And if it's not okay, then it's like, that's an important thing to be able to speak up because that ties into all the food stuff, right? Because it's like when we have our boundaries breached, we come home and we're feeling all of this angst and all these feelings and all these emotions. We don't feel safe feeling. And then we try to stuffed them with foods. So that numb it or distract or whatever, right. And it's like a cycle just keeps, you know, keeps rolling. And one of the ways to start, you know, breaking that pattern is being able to notice those times.
Stephanie Mara 30:17
It's so much easier to know how we would respond to something when we externalize it, that piece of easier to know how we would respond to something when we externalize it, that piece of compassion, and empathy and boundaries immediately come straight on. And so it can be such a resource to bring on the idea of someone that you love, or someone that you would want to intervene for stand up for. And even ask yourself, Okay, if this was happening with this person, how would I was would respond right now and try that on for myself. And it does take time to take it on for yourself, because at first it's going to feel a little different, even a little baby threatening of like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe I just set a boundary, what's going to happen now? And it's even I'm guessing potentially EFT could even happen in that moment, of like, okay, how can I show myself even after I set a boundary that I'm still safe?
Sherry Lukey 31:13
Yes, exactly. Yeah. And again, and then it ties back into what you're talking about, about that comfort zone, right? Because now we're changing. And the subconscious is going, what are you doing, we're gonna die with this new setting boundaries thing, you know, and it's like, and that's where having the ability to be able to interrupt that stress response over and over and over again, where it becomes more comfortable to set those boundaries and be in so that you don't feel like you have to run away and retract or go backwards kind of thing. Right? And that's, you know, and then just back to the trauma piece, because that boundaries, those boundaries are always being breached as a kid, you know, because we're not able to say, no, that's not okay. Or, you know, the things I heard you talk about, you know, where, where the parent is saying, Well, no, just one more bite, or just clean your plate or, you know, whatever kind of thing, right? It's like, all of those are like mini boundary breaches. And so we learn as an adult to not trust ourselves. And that, you know, that relationship has to be built up again, and relearned and to have that patience again, and compassion, because it does take time. It's not an overnight process. And that's the thing because people often like even for myself, that it's like I try something would work for a while, and then I'd have to try something else. And but it's just understanding that it takes that time and patience, and there isn't, you know, there isn't anything wrong with you. It's just that these beliefs that God set up these patterns, these ways of being that don't serve you is they just need to be changed. So you're guilty, yes, you have them. But you're innocent, because you didn't do it on purpose.
Stephanie Mara 32:38
Yeah. And something that you mentioned is that regulation can happen. So young. And I wanted to also bring in this perspective of regulation happens also, like you said, that sense of safety. And the first sense of kind of I'm being seen, I'm being held everything is okay, oftentimes when we are being either bottle fed or breastfed as a baby. And so from a very young age, food does get connected with I am safe, especially when you are being held, you are literally making eye contact, that is a very regulating thing to do. And so if you're really resonating with this conversation, it might also be that food has become the singular place where you do feel safe. And sometimes it's also expanding out your sense of safety and to other areas. So that Yeah, that's so great. You feel safe with food, and you can feel safe in other places as well.
Sherry Lukey 33:39
Yes, exactly. Yeah. And that's such a really, really important thing to point out because it's so, you know, before we even remember that it's like that association with food that it's comfort and safety. It's you know, satiation, which I just, you know, it's such a great name for your podcast, by the way, when it's such a good word, because it just totally as far as I'm concerned, completely, encompasses what it feels like. Right? Yeah. And, and that, again, to have that self compassion, because it's like, Well, what was the first thing you learned how to be comforted? You know, or how many times you know, were you were you started crying, and somebody said, here's a cookie stop crying kind of thing, right? And it's like, all those times, like, again, nobody meant to have those, you know, negative associations, but they happen. And that's, again, the self compassion and the patience and understanding that it's like, yeah, it's like these gods setup, but the brain is neuroplastic you know, our body is adaptable. And so we so we learn these things and adapt to these things. Well, we can also learn and adapt to new things, but it might take a bit of time and it might take some mindfulness and some tenaciousness, but it is so worth it. You know, like the, like the client I talked about, like her level of happiness now, because it's like she can move through the house. She can, you know, she can allow herself because every time before she would get started to get hungry, so she'd get that physical sensation. Then right away, move into panic because like, Oh, now I gotta do something about this. And she had all of these negative associations, right? And it's like, so the, it's just so liberating that that would, to me would be the best word is liberating that you're able to move through the world, in a, in a free way that you're not having to operate on this autopilot are having to react in ways that don't feel good or don't support you. Yeah.
Stephanie Mara 35:23
So I'm curious, as we wrap up a little bit, as someone's getting more curious about trying out Emotional Freedom Technique, how often does someone need to practice this? You know, how many times a day? And how does it get? How have you seen it get integrated into someone's day to day practice?
Sherry Lukey 35:48
Yes, that's a good question, Stephanie. And that's one of the questions that I get asked a lot. So what I said initially, when you're starting at a minimum, it's morning and night, so for sure, and even at that, it's like, it's a very least before you go to sleep, because it's so important to go to sleep regulated, and to and to be in that quiet place. Because your subconscious is now going to work on whatever it is, was the last thing you were doing. And so if you can go to sleep in that place of literally have that emotional freedom, then it's like, you're able to actually wake up more rested and actually get some sleep. Now that said, because we're so accustomed to being in stress response, what I say to people is, is that you might need to be tapping multiple times a day. I know, for myself, I actually I wish I had documented it. But I was so certain it wasn't gonna work that I didn't write, but I'm quite certain that I was tapping a lot. And what would happen was, I would start to notice that I was moving into stress response, and I was getting those body sensations, I started to get the negative thoughts. And so I would literally go to the washroom, and I would tap and what I say to people, because the next thing people ask is how often then they say, Well, I can't find the words, that's the other thing that comes up. And so I say to people, is to try to pretend that you're on the phone with a bestie whether you have one or imagine one, someone that would be absolutely non judgmental, and, and compassionate with you. So you could say absolutely anything with them, and it would be okay. And so when you're tapping is literally just find a tapping point, whatever one feels comfortable, the easiest one I find are the ones on the hand, karate chop, or on the fingers, like I said, you can check them out on the diagram, and just tap and talk. If you have to do it in your head. And you're literally like you most of the statements will you start with a neutralizing word or, or a couple words, and then you see the problem, and then you neutralize again. But that's doesn't have to be that way. It can be just like, oh my god, I can't believe she said that. It's so it makes me so angry, it makes me feel so bad. You know, and all the while you're tapping, but you're just literally venting it out. And as soon as you start tapping, you know that you're starting to regulate your system, you're, you're getting soothed, right, and that's the most important piece, you know, the other thing I say to people is that we're so used to pushing all this down, it's like, if you have a pet that needs needs your attention, or if you had a two year old at your leg, and they're pulling on your pants and kind of going and you keep going not now not now. And then when you finally turn to them and kind of go what do you need, which is like the emotions, then they then they'll dissipate. But it's like, but so long as you keep pushing them away, they're gonna get louder and more obnoxious. And so that's why it's so important to acknowledge them. And then the other thing that people say right away is like, well, then I'm reinforcing the negative because we're, we're so positive mindset save state and that and something wrong with that, it's just that we need to acknowledge the negative first. And because we're tapping, it's not getting stuck in our system, it's actually moving through it. And so that's the first part is just acknowledge what's going on while you're tapping. And then you can almost usually feel kind of the point where you can, you know, take a breath and kind of go, okay, you know, because that lets loose coming back. Now you can start to think, you know, clearly, and those are in the moment. And so you're gonna say, you know, when I first was doing this, I'm pretty sure my family thought I had a bladder infection because I was going to so often. But that's what I did was I just go and I'd start tapping right away, and then what I was doing, and in addition to that, and what I recommend with people is taking the longer periods of time, like most of my tapping audios are somewhere between five and 10 minutes, is being able to take that additional time to really dig into something where you can actually, you know, do some journaling afterwards and start to really get curious about where is this coming from, you know, is this something that's from the past that I need to heal, because as soon as that stress response is off, that starts to bubble up. Now all of that needs to be caveated with the language of the subconscious is emotions. So if people are just tapping, although it does sue the system, if you really want to get out the information, you have to tune into the emotions. So you have to you know, if I'm, you know, if my audio is talking about anger, and you're starting to feel really sad, you want to change it to sadness, and really, and just allow it as much as you possibly can because that's where the information is going to come and being able to change that and so for sure, before you go to sleep, you I'm better than in the morning. And ideally throughout the day whenever that stress response kicks on, so that you can start to get your subconscious familiar with being in relaxation, instead of instead of stress response.
Stephanie Mara 40:11
I also often recommend that individuals go off to the bathroom when they need to. Because it's such a place where no one's going to just like walk right in, you have access to water, if you want to turn on the sink, which is very soothing, or washing your hands with cold water, which is very regulating. And so I totally hear that suggestion. And I also, you know, just really appreciate you bringing in that start with what works for you, and it can grow from there. And that there are going to be different times of the day, different amounts that even will work for you from day to day. And so it really is, this is just another tool that you can experiment with and to trust your body that your body is going to let you know whether this works for you or not.
Sherry Lukey 41:05
Absolutely, yeah. Because it's like for some people, like no, I don't like this, this doesn't feel feel good to me. And that's okay. The only the really important thing is, is that you are getting into your body that you're actually including that in the conversation, you know, and that can be so many different ways. But it's the difference between, like I say, being in your head and having your head heart and gut in alignment, you know, all on the same page, instead of just being Oh, no, I'm okay. I'm okay. But your body's going? No, we're not. That's not working. So whatever, you know, tool feels good to you. But it as far as I'm concerned, and I think you feel the same as that it needs to include the body, it has, this is a really important piece of the work. It's not just along for the ride, it actually has really important information for you, and can let you know whether things are okay or not. Because I know for myself, because I was really big on the whole positive thinking, you know, always turning everything to positive and my body was finding like, will you find it? Listen to me, because things are not okay.
Stephanie Mara 42:05
Yeah, and thank you for naming how important it is to actually identify the thing that we've labeled as negative. It's just a label. Yeah, we are taught that the more kind of like, quote, unquote, intense emotions in our body are bad. So we have to stay away from them. And if we took away the label, even on that it's bad. And even sometimes take away the label of what emotion you think you're feeling. And just get curious what is happening inside of my body so that you can reconnect with it, which is actually safety producing to say, Hey, I see you, I see what you're experiencing. It is okay, I'm here with you in it. And we are going to navigate this together.
Sherry Lukey 42:49
Yeah. And what do you need? You know, because it's because you just as soon as you ask, you'd be surprised how many times you actually get the answer. But most of the time, we just don't take the pause to actually just ask.
Stephanie Mara 43:00
Beautifully said. And thank you so much for being here today. And having this conversation, it was so amazing. And I would love for you to share more. I know you have your YouTube channel, how else can individuals keep in touch with you?
Sherry Lukey 43:13
Yeah, so the best way is through my website. So that's WWW dot Sherry Lukey. And that's called sherrylukey.com. And, and then I think you're gonna put in the show notes, the gift. And then the gift is the diagram that I've talked about. There's also a downloadable tapping audio so that you can actually use it anytime, anywhere. It's more specific towards stress and anxiety, which most people can relate to. And then there's also a short audio about the questions that I quite often get asked about more about my story about how I came to it and explaining about EFT and how and why it works. And so that you get in the gift, you know, and I say to people, it's like you can, you can literally go from being so anxious and stressed to within minutes, sometimes even seconds, once you get that stress response off. And it's just, it's the difference between reacting and having to clean that up. However, that ends up being and being able to respond in a really powerful way. And so I feel super excited for people to be able to experience it, because involving that body is just so critical. And thank you so much for having me, Stephanie. And again, I just can't say enough about how important your your work is. It's like, you know, North America is really, you know, this issue is a big deal for people. And it's like in health is becoming one of the number one problems, right. And so to be able to start with this, it's just so good. So thank you for all your work.
Stephanie Mara 44:32
Yeah, thank you. And thank you for being here. And yeah, I will put all of those links in the show notes. Thank you so much for sharing all of those resources, and to all of the individuals listening right now. Thank you for being here and tuning in if you have any questions as always reach out truly anytime and I look forward to connecting with you all again really soon. Bye!
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