Redefining Fitness From Numbers to Nurturing

Welcome to the Satiated Podcast, where we explore physical and emotional hunger, satiation, and healing your relationship with your food and body. I'm your host, Stephanie Mara Fox, your somatic nutritional counselor.

I don't know how much I've shared here about my love for weightlifting. I've read some pretty cool research now that is starting to explore weightlifting as a trauma recovery resource. I started lifting weights when I was in undergrad. Everyone had to take one physical education course as part of the core college curriculum and I had heard that weightlifting was the easiest class to take. The gym became a place of safety for me and I say this knowing that this is not the case for a lot of people. I do have thin privilege and never went to the gym worried about if someone would comment on my appearance. The gym became a place where I could get out of my head and into my body. My thoughts would quiet. I could move all of my anger and sadness I was feeling through my arms and legs and into the weight. Since then, weight lifting has always been a part of my life. There are times when I've dedicated more time and focus to it than others but it is always something I return to. For me, weightlifting was never about trying to shape my body in a certain way, but an outlet to safely feel my body, which is what much of the research shows is that lifting weights can be a safe way to make contact with the body when you've experienced past trauma. After getting long covid, it took years to build up my stamina again to be able to lift weight. And I can excitedly say that this past summer I started going back to weight lifting classes and I feel more alive and emboided than I have in a long time. This is why I occassionally like to bring on others here who have focused more of their career on lifting weights as an outlet for personal transformation.

So, I'm excited to introduce you to Melissa Vogel. Melissa is a certified personal trainer, fitness coach, speaker, author, and host of **The BOMB Life Podcast**, a top 1% globally ranked podcast with more than 300 episodes. I was recently on her podcast and can include the link to our chat in the show notes. With over 20 years in the fitness industry, Melissa helps women understand that lasting transformation is about so much more than a workout plan or what’s on your plate. Her approach brings together **fitness, nutrition, mindset, habits, and emotional health** because when you connect all the pieces, that’s when real, sustainable results happen. As a mom of three daughters, business owner, and woman who has navigated her own seasons of rebuilding and transformation, Melissa brings a real-life perspective to health and fitness. Through her **one-on-one FitMIND Coaching** and **Busy to BOMB community**, she helps women stop starting over, build confidence, get stronger, and create habits that actually fit into their busy lives. Through her coaching and The BOMB Life Podcast, Melissa’s message is simple: **you don’t have to be perfect—you have to be willing to show up, do the work, and become the woman you know you’re capable of being.** We chat about the impact of diet and wellness culture, the importance of mental health on any physical transformation journey, redefining self care beyond food and movement, the power of physical movement for embodiment and self connection, strategies for maintaining your self care during busy seasons, overcoming self doubt and internalized old beliefs, cultivating self compassion, building habits through small steps, and the importance of community.

Ways you can support the Satiated podcast include: please consider leaving a review anywhere that you listen to podcasts to help others find the show. You can also check out all of my affiliate links, join Satiated+ and donate a few dollars to the show, or check out working with me 1:1 or in any of my programs. I have self paced programs and my three month live Somatic Eating® Program. The next class will be in May. All links are in the show notes. Now, welcome Melissa! I am really thrilled to have you here today and reconnecting with you. For anyone who didn't know, I know I just shared in a recent newsletter that I was on your podcast, so I will re-link that in the show notes for individuals to check out our chat on your podcast. And I'm so glad to have you here.

Melissa Vogel 05:00

I'm excited to be here. I was listening to our episode. I listened to it three times total, and then twice recently because you know we have to do edits and like go through everything. And I was just like, oh my god, this is such a good conversation that men and women and everyone needs to hear. So yeah, go back and listen to that. It was it's just so spot on, and you're just someone to follow and listen to and really guide through all of this. So it's an honor to be here.

Stephanie Mara 05:29

Well, thank you, and yeah, I'm so excited to have you here and chat some more. And so, for anyone who doesn't know about you and your amazingness, how did you get into the work that you're doing today?

Melissa Vogel 05:41

Oh, falling just flat on my face with my with my own health and fitness journey, and a lot of people look at me and they're just like, oh, she must be one of those like naturally skinny people, and oh, she works out, so you know that's where she's at, and I'm like, ladies, that is not where my story started, and I feel like with having three kids, I had to rebuild myself and relearn myself three different times and reinvent myself. And you know, before kids, and even like after I had kids, it was so much my job and what I did was so much like train and you know diet. Honestly, like if we're being real, like diet, be on a diet, clean it up, and hit the gym more. Do more classes, more cardio, and then after my third kid, you know, it was like taking this square peg and just trying to like force it into this circular hole. And I'm like, what is going on? Like, why won't I? Why can't I lose the weight? Like why isn't anything changing? And I literally hit rock bottom on my basement floor in Michigan, and I was trying to do and like lose the weight, doing what I did before, and I was doing P90x, you know, because that's what every mom of three should be doing in her basement to try and lose weight and just killing it, and I was like on my hands and knees doing mountain climbers, you know, like where your knees are coming into your chest, like in a plank, and something was like hitting the top of my legs. I'm like, what the heck? It was my stomach. I had gotten to a point where I was just so big that my stomach was hitting my knees, and that just broke me, and I like just started crying, and I realized at that moment, like what you're doing isn't working. There's so many other things and levels and layers to this story and your journey than you just coming down here and trying to like force yourself into this workout at 9 o'clock at night and do it no matter what. Sweat because he's sweating on the screen, so you should be sweating too. And that's when everything changed for me. And my true journey of teaching and training and coaching other women and men started at that moment. And like when I realized there is a mental, a whole mental layer to this that I wasn't touching my food and nutrition. It wasn't about dieting, and it wasn't about eating less. And my journey of like, who do I really want to become? Like, what? What? Who are? What are you after, Melissa? Besides, oh, I need to lose 30 pounds or 40 pounds. What's your why to that? And then the actual training and exercise, like those four things, I had to completely relearn and really step back and almost like forget everything that I was ever taught by the fitness industry, and just start over with like those four pillars, and then just grow from there.

Stephanie Mara 08:35

Yeah, thank you for sharing all of that. You know what I really hear in that is how much diet and wellness culture like make us believe that our bodies are wrong, our approaches are wrong, that we are wrong in the way we are existing, and that if we can't force ourselves to eat as little as possible and move as much as we possibly can, that we are the ones who are doing something wrong, but the inherent message is so off in that, I love how you pointed to it doesn't actually lead you towards a exploration of why am I doing this and who do I want to be inside of my body and how do I want to care for it that that might lead to you know some other expression of myself, but it's more grounded from like body feedback. Like I hear there was like you had to override your body, not like listen to it.

Melissa Vogel 09:34

Right, that sitting there and having to really figure out like who I wanted to become and why like, are you just trying to get back into a pair of jeans? Well, why? Like, why do you think you're going to be healthy once that goal hits? Like, what makes you think because that number on the scale reads something different that you're going to find joy and happiness and really figure out who you are again? Like, that was so eye opening, and we learn over the years and I have done everything wrong as a trainer. Like, sorry to my past clients, but that's how we learn and we grow. You know, we always screw up with our first kid, and then by the third, it's like, oh my god, you're so good. I've done so good and learned. But I feel like that's that's what I've done. You know, but that's what I was taught too. And now stopping and getting people to really look at and like connect with self and who they are, it's like their eyes are open to like, oh my god, I want so much more, and then they see the benefit and value too. So they're not just fighting themselves to hit a number or so many workouts a week. It's like, okay, oh that's great, but like, oh my god, I actually like myself. I'm actually waking up happy and discovering who I am; those are markers to watch.

Stephanie Mara 10:45

Yeah, I love that. You know, I actually also just put out a post recently that was kind of talking about just in regards to like binge eating. That if you keep focusing on the thing you quote unquote think needs to change, it could be the binge eating, it could be the body image, it could be the weight, whatever it is. That it kind of feels like a distraction from also, but what is the life that you want to be creating where you don't feel like you need to rely on these coping mechanisms anymore? And that's what I really hear you describing is like, let's zoom out for a second because it's not just about weight and its loss. It's about who are you, who you want to be, what's the life you want to create for yourself, where you feel like you're really thriving. And I know something that you're passionate about is kind of exploring well, how does one rediscover how to care for themselves? And I'm curious if you could explain more. Like, what does that mean to you? Because I know it means a lot to different people, and like, what does that look like in your perspective to care for ourselves?

Melissa Vogel 11:46

Oh man, are we totally missing the boat on this and not taught either. Like a perfect example, I run like I have an accountability group with a small group of women, and it's a daily touch point and whatever. And one of the members was like, I am so tired, you know, and and just going over that, and I'm like going over other things, you know, and what's important, and like how much is your sleep, and what are your carbs at, and stuff like that, you know, all part of it. And then I'm like, girl, when was the last time you really sat down and cried, or even talked about what's going on in your life? Because I knew she had just a lot going on. Single mom, full plate, going back to school like a teacher. Like she's amazing, and she pauses and she's like, "Wow, you really made a lump go in my throat." And she's like, "I didn't even think of that." And I'm like, You're just getting it out, talking therapy. The mental health of our self care is so missed and hidden, and she's like, "I didn't even think of that." And I'm like, "I bet your mental exhaustion is playing into your physical exhaustion." She's like, "I didn't even think of that at all," and I'm like, It all connects, and that piece for self care, it's huge, and we just go and go and go, and we think our self care is like, oh, when my brain shuts off and I watch Netflix at night, you know, the 30 minutes before I go to bed, and it's like, no.

Stephanie Mara 13:13

Yeah. And I also appreciate what you're bringing in is that it's not just about how you're feeding yourself or how you're moving your body. It's so much more than that, and it can feel exhausting if you are lacking a belief in yourself. If you are having an internal dialogue that's like cheering you on, that says like, "I believe in you. You got this." Like how draining it can be to also constantly be in a place internally of like, "I'm worthless," or I'm not enough, or I have to prove my worth." Like that is emotionally and physically exhausting.

Melissa Vogel 13:48

Yeah, yeah, and so many people too aren't physically moving and like having the days where they're like, I feel accomplished. Like I, I lifted that today, or I did one more set, or I went from the fives to seven pounds, and we don't realize we're missing that when you aren't physically moving your body. And even if that's just walking, like if someone is just walking, they're like, I went a mile and a half today, and I've only been doing a mile every morning. That's huge to be able to fill your own bucket and be like, I did that, okay. We need that. We need to feel like accomplished, and oh my God, to see self worth and that growth in physically, like in the gym too. Oh, it's huge. They're so cool to watch women just become self empowered because of a workout they didn't want to do, and they showed up anyways. Like, yeah, the muscle's cool, the caloric burn is cool, but the growth that you get on top of that, oh, and how it plays that plays into your self care. It's for you. It's literally the only time for you, and no one else is going to make that space for you but you.

Stephanie Mara 14:55

Yeah, and thank you for also bringing in that like this idea of physical movement does not have to be with the intention of like changing your body. It's really interesting. I had to write one of my many papers for my PhD. I always take different lenses to like food and body image, and I was actually looking up the research on the trauma healing benefits of weightlifting. And there are a couple of cool studies out there that talk about how lifting something heavy can make it feel safer to come into contact with our body because it gives us a focus and it also is kind of like an inlet into like feeling sensation when that hasn't always felt okay. I just recalled that of what you're describing is like you get this sense of embodiment and empowerment from like moving your body in different ways that feel good to you, but I know that like we're coming up are already kind of in when this comes out the holiday season, and I know that you know when that hits, people's schedules get so full, and I'm curious how you've kind of helped people navigate this time when it's like, okay, here's what I know I need to do for my self care, where I need to take time for myself. I need to move my body. I know my walks help me. I know eating consistently throughout the day helps stabilize me. And then the day happens, and those things that we know would feel supportive also don't happen.

Melissa Vogel 16:21

Yeah, and that's why I'm always like, start it before that madness hits. Like, start it before summer hits, before the holidays hit. Those are the two big ones. But the worst thing you can allow yourself to say during that holiday season time is, "I'll do this after the New Year's." Like, don't even let the verbiage come out of your mouth. Don't even let yourself have that mindset. Don't even think it because you're already setting yourself up for failure. Learn to keep working through you even during the busy time. If you don't, you have to remember no one else, this sounds like harsh, but like no one else cares. No one's coming to save you. And when I remind myself that, and my clients of that, like remember, like no one's gonna make you do this. No one's gonna come. No one really cares if you fall off track. That's hard. That's hard to hear sometimes. You're like, no, my husband loves me, or my kids love me. Yeah, but like if you were like, I'm gonna sit on the couch and I'm just rest. They're like, "Oh no, it's okay, mom. Like totally, like rest. You deserve it." And you're like, "Yes, I do deserve it." It's so easy to like fall into that. But every day, every Sunday, we do like a thing called weekly temple. And if you can set yourself up and look, like, okay, what parties do we have this week? When am I available to myself? Not when can I work out. When am I available to me to focus on me? Because sometimes just the word working out is triggering to people. Like, oh my god, I got to work out five times this week. I'm going to be available for me five times this week to show up for me, and just doing that every single week and staying on track, even Thanksgiving week, like even that week, because a lot of people have to do two or three Thanksgivings because of family and divorce and in-laws and everything. When are you still going to show up for you on that time? And if you can just do it every single Sunday, you will glide through November, December, go into January feeling like a new person, and there won't be like okay now I get to start. Now I can start because most of the time what I see the New Year's people that are like yes I'm gonna go if they just would have taken action in November their hole wouldn't be as deep so now we're trying to get out of a negative and a deficit that wasn't there before and now it's even deeper. And I don't just mean like weight. I don't mean just like oh well, you only had 10 pounds to lose, but now you have 20. I'm talking like your body isn't used to moving mentally. You're not used to getting up and doing this and going for a walk. So it's like you really have to train all levels of your body again to get to that point, to really see results, to really start showing up. Well, now we're into February and March, and we're starting to lose that fire of the New Year's, new me, you know, type thing. It's so key to get started before to don't make that hole bigger if you don't have to.

Stephanie Mara 19:17

Yeah, I appreciate what you're bringing in also, is how caring for ourselves needs to look like a commitment, the same way we would put something in our schedule as a meeting. And I have a personal example of this, just for people to get an idea of what this might look like. It took me about like two years to heal from long covid, and during that time, you know, I also had to build up my strength. At the beginning, I could only take like maybe a five minute walk and would get winded. It just took me a long time to recover. I feel very grateful that I'm like basically almost back to where I was, quote unquote, before I got long covid. But as my strength has grown back, I've noticed myself wanting to spend more time like lifting heavier things again because weightlifting has always been a very embodied, supportive, even trauma recovery act for myself. And there is like this place in town that my husband and I have been wanting to check out for a really long time, and they kind of do circuit training and like weightlifting and things like that, and we're like, okay. It took me about three weeks to actually say I'm gonna put this class in my schedule.

Melissa Vogel 20:28

Yes!

Stephanie Mara 20:29

So like, like it took me three weeks to actually say, okay, I have an opening to say now this is a recurring meeting in my schedule, and now I just go. It's just there, whether I want to go or not. Usually, I want to go. Usually, I'm like the day before. I'm like, this is gonna push me, so I take a rest day. But just having that in my schedule, and here I'll just share something exciting that yesterday I was able to squat rack 200 pounds, and I'm just like...

Melissa Vogel 21:01

What???

Stephanie Mara 21:01

Right? Yeah, and so like. does not have to do with weight. It does not have to do with muscle. It has to do with look at how fricking strong and resilient my body is. That I came from only being able to walk five minutes and being breathless from that to now being able to do this and to feel how strong my body is and what it did for me is such an empowering experience. To be like, wow, I can really actually trust my body that even if I get that sick, it is on my team wanting to repair and heal.

Melissa Vogel 21:39

Right, and then it opens the door to the next phase. Like you have to think of life as like this hallway of just doors. Like, what's the next one? What's the next one? But like, if you get stuck at one and you don't get curious and you never unlock it, you're just like, okay, well, it's a door. I'm good. You never even get to see what's behind the next one, and now your brain gets to think, what else am I capable of? What else can I do with my business or my podcast or with my body or anything? It's now just a possibility. If we stay stuck and stagnant and just like right here, our brain doesn't have the resilience to even think beyond that. It's just survival. How do I get through this right now.

Stephanie Mara 22:22

Yeah.

Melissa Vogel 22:23

And then you're missing, you're missing life. You're missing the greatness that you get to experience because you did something really cool and great.

Stephanie Mara 22:31

Yeah, I'm curious because, like, I know that that was something that I set for myself as wanting to do that. But I know for a lot of people that even I work with, there's these voices of self-doubt, of resistance, of fear, of anxiety. I'm wondering how you've worked with people through those moments where you're talking about opening the next door, but sometimes it feels actually quite scary to even look that there could be another door or another possibility available.

Melissa Vogel 23:02

Oh, for sure. And one of the first questions when I start feeling that from someone, or even if they just say it, you know, they're like, I'm afraid of this. Like, you're this is too much, or I'm scared, or like whatever that is. My first question always like, when did you start believing that? When do you think you started this fear of going to the gym, or you know whatever that might be. Like maybe we stop going to like Sonic or In and Out every day because that's I've had people that they like get the slushy like every single day, and it's just their thing and their peace and like here. And I'm like, when did you start believing that that got you through the day, like how many years, or back even into childhood. When did you start believing that, like, you couldn't do something bigger or better? Like, when did that start getting programmed into you? And there's always, always a long pause, and then tears, men and women, and some of them are just like, I've never really thought of that, and then when they think for just a second, they always have an answer. It's crazy. They're like, when I was 10 years old, my dad told me this, and I guess I never stopped believing that. And it's just crazy. Just breaks my heart of how much little us still controls us as an adult. and I'm like, oh, how do we get adult you now? Because now you're a badass. Like, look at your job and what you've grown, and your kids, and like what you're doing. Like, you are in charge. Like, yeah, we have ups and downs, but like, look at what you've accomplished. How do we take them to sit with little you for a minute and just be like, hey, man, I got this. You don't need to worry about this anymore. We're we're good. You know we can let go of that fear and do whatever we want to whatever's behind that next door. Because I'm an adult now and I've done really cool stuff, and that's what we're gonna trust.

Stephanie Mara 24:55

Yeah, yeah. The imagery I always get in that is like a five year old is trying to drive your car. I'm just like, they can't even reach the pedals!

Melissa Vogel 30:00

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I always tell my clients, like, if you ever see a bus, grab a bus. Like a little, you know, the Hot Wheels bus or like anything. If you're ever anywhere, get a bus because that's literally like our life and all of our people. And every age of us sits in a different row of the bus. And every now and then that five-year-old or that eight-year-old or that rebellious sixteen-year-old Goes up the aisle, hops in the driver's seat, and they're like, ha ha, we're gonna drive this off the cliff today, you know? And then we have to be like, okay, I'm not gonna kick you off the bus because you're super important. You got me through hard times, you being that rebellious kid, like we survived, man. You're not off the bus. You're just back in your seat where you belong. I'm back in the driver's seat. And we we have this saying all the time of like, who's driving the bus right now? At least drive on the bus 'cause this doesn't sound like a thirty four year old Joe or whoever.

Stephanie Mara 30:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. And it kind of goes back to what I asked earlier and about like, okay, how do we start putting these things as priorities in our life? And I know, like, I was kind of explaining, you know, putting it in your schedule as if it was a meeting. I also love that that it's like getting curious about like who is making these decisions right now. Is this present day me who knows, like you said, I'm a badass, I'm resilient.

Melissa Vogel 30:00

Yeah.

Stephanie Mara 30:00

Like I have options and choices and I am capable of going after anything that I want to go after. Or is it a younger me that was fed to believe something that I don't have to believe anymore? And I find that that often once we can kind of I love your imagery of like, hey, can you go sit back in the fourth row on the bus now? Cause like that's that's your seat. This one is not it. when we could kind of say, Hey, you don't have to take over anymore. Actions start to change when we're coming more from a place of that resilient present day self.

Melissa Vogel 30:00

Yes. Yes, that it's crazy because just addressing that, you wake up the next day and you're still thinking about it and then you're like, huh, I can add this to my schedule. Actually I am capable. So there's no like magic thing of like, how do I make myself start scheduling this? How do I make myself go to the gym? It's like when you do like the inner work and you really start figuring this out and and what you're after, you start waking up your self-love and your self-worth. And you're like, you know what? I survived. I have been through a lot and I can do more. It's a very gradual thing. And this is why, like, when I work with clients, it's never just like, okay, next week you're in the gym five times. Like, here we go. It's like, tell me why you haven't been going to the gym. And so many of them are like, no one's ever asked me that before. I'm sure you see that with your clients when you're like, tell me more about what you're doing and why and how that made you feel. And it's like, yeah, there's a lot more to it because I can give you the most glorious meal plan and and workout schedule and workout to follow that's gonna just get you in the best shape of your life. Totally can do it. But if you don't see your value and we don't start developing the habits and the skills to get you to do it, it's worthless.

Stephanie Mara 30:00

Yeah. I'm curious if you could provide more like the tiny little baby steps that maybe you offer because I love that you're breaking this down. That it's not just, okay, let's dive all in. That might feel way too much, way too overwhelming. That it does start with like the small tiny steps. Like I know before we started recording, we were talking about how much during the holiday season. I know a lot of people put pressure on themselves to like food prep in the same way or eat in the same way they normally do. But when your schedule is that much more full, like it just has to look differently, but that doesn't mean that your care has to go out the window just because your day is more packed. So I'm curious what kind of explorations you've gone into with those that you work with.

Melissa Vogel 30:00

Yeah, it looking at your day differently instead of like, my God, I have this and I have this and I have this, because we always start the night before. It's never like this day, this workout, this meal. It's okay, back up five steps. So back up to the night before. Okay. What does your day look like? Let's start there and see instead of looking like I have this, this, and this, and this, okay, where do you fit into there? Like, let's identify space for you first. And then what are you gonna eat? Because if you're gonna go into this day and not have a plan, what typically happens? Well, that's how we end up through the drive-thru. Or I just don't eat. I'll just have my coffee, I'll grab something off my kid's plate, and I just won't eat. Is that serving you? So just putting some thought and awareness into things first is huge. Let's be aware of the day first before it starts.

Stephanie Mara 30:00

Yeah.

Melissa Vogel 30:00

Let's be aware of what you're eating first. Okay. Let's start paying attention to that more. How did that day turn out? Let's talk about it. It's not wrong. It's not right. And it's there's no shame and guilt. I just want to know what did you eat today? Okay. How did it make you feel? Okay. Why? Why did you choose that? And a lot of times it's because I just I didn't prep or I didn't know. I I literally had lack of education of what I was eating. Okay. But do you see how like that's not your fault? That we don't need to go into a spiral and shame guilt and the sp the shame and spiral of the guilt to all of it. That's what usually leads us to quitting or worse path, you know, than before. So it's all those like small things of like, let's have big awareness around the small things first and break it down. And when you become more and more aware, it's so fun to watch clients go through this because then they're like, I had no idea. I I had I had no idea. I had no idea that it's been seven days before I even stepped outside and like really was outside. Or I honestly have just been going to work, home, this kids stuff, and it's been two weeks since I've really moved my body.

Stephanie Mara 31:01

Yeah, like you said, the shame can come up in that, but we kind of have to ask shame to step aside. Like shame doesn't say anything that's true or supportive, and so we kind of have to ask shame to step aside so that, like you're naming, you meet yourself with a lot of compassion. That it's like you're doing the best that you can with everything that you're trying to navigate, and it can start with as simply the night before looking at okay, what are the mandatories that will be in my day tomorrow? And I don't even know when I started doing this as well, where I just started to realize okay, I need to look at my day and here are the things that are happening, and then if I'm first because I need to make sure I'm stabilized, that I'm regulated, that I am caring for myself, so that I can show up the best that I can for other people. Where does that happen in the day? And I usually like to, and like this could be different for every person, but play with timing yourself and how long it takes you to make different meals. This is going to be different for different people, also based off of their executive functioning and things like that. And if you need to get, you know, whatever foods you need to get to make this easier, pre-chopped, frozen, whatever, like make it possible for yourself. But knowing that it's like, okay, if you only have five minutes in the middle of the day, but your priority is well I got to get in lunch because that's going to stabilize me. It's going to make me feel better in the afternoon. I'm not going to feel so cranky later in the day. I'm not going to feel maybe an urge to binge tonight. Okay, I know that this meal takes me three minutes to make. Yes, great. I'm curious if you've also played with anything like that as well.

Melissa Vogel 32:45

Oh yeah, I have totally moved my because I eat eggs every day. It's they're just so loaded with so many good things and easy protein and like every day, like that's just what I'm doing. And I used to come in from like my work and start getting ready, and then I had to make my eggs, and like I always want toast with it, you know, because then I'm going to go to the gym, and I'm going to use that, blah blah blah. And it would take me so long, and I'm like, okay, how do we switch this? Because it's not taking me long, but it's like taking up time where I need to like come in and get out the door. And so now I literally have my eggs and my toast, my sourdough later in the day, and I've given up that this is a breakfast food. You only eat this in the morning. I'm like, when? Why? Why did I believe that? Who who wrote this rule that I can't eat eggs for lunch? And the thing that I have now every single day when I come in that literally takes me probably three minutes to make is this giant Greek yogurt parfait with my organic berries in it and granola. I'm getting the same amount of like macronutrients as I did the other thing, and it takes me two seconds. Or if I'm on the go, I just put it in a bowl and on ice packs, and I take it with me. It's the same, but it's just so funny how we like believe these things and we say, Oh, I can't, or I don't know. We just we just get into these habits, and and again, going back to like, if you just have that awareness and you're willing to believe something different and have an open mind, oh my God, you are totally coachable and you can go next level with anything.

Stephanie Mara 34:14

Yeah, and it's like it's all connected. All of the pieces that you're even bringing in here today are like you have to believe that you are worthy of caring for, to then feel like I can make myself that three minute breakfast, and I'm worth it to do that, so that I can navigate my day differently and feel more stabilized to want to continue to care for myself. Like it's just, it's a snowball effect. Like it's all connected.

Melissa Vogel 34:41

Yes, I I keep picturing like a ping pong ball hitting all the points in the machine. You know, you pull the lever and like, and you get 100 points for that, and then you're gonna ping over there and get that. It's so true, and it's so sad though. This is one of the reasons why I love coaching because there's so many people that don't have that initial belief at all, and if you have someone that is there to support you and isn't going anywhere or judge you, oh my God, that builds your belief up in you so much. And I tell a lot of my clients, like, look, dude, I'm gonna believe enough in you and for you until you're ready to take over, because we're starting with a blank slate. Like what you're gonna become in my mind? Oh my god! Wait till you meet this person, and they're like, "Really?" I'm like, "Oh yeah, I already know. I already know what you're gonna look like." And I'm just gonna believe in that until you're ready. And then the tears just come, and they're like, "I've never had anyone even say that to me before." Like, oh, oh, you just need to be loved. We're all just like these eight-year-olds running around that just need love and be like, you got this! Oh, you did so good on the monkey bars.

Stephanie Mara 35:44

Yeah, I completely agree. And you know that is one of the beautiful things. Whether that is you know hiring to work with someone one on one, finding some kind of free or paid group, or like wherever you can find support that is doable for you in your life, it is really important. And I'm glad that you're bringing that in because to try to change the belief on your own, just from kind of like what we talk about here of like nervous system and things like that, that like you are basically in a battle of trying to convince yourself of something that your body has no proof of yet. But when someone is like, Look at you! Look at what you just did! Like, wow! Look at your growth, and like, someone is tracking your growth for you and being able to reflect that back to you. You are also giving your body proof that there is something else you can believe and operate from.

Melissa Vogel 36:38

Yep, and it's just so lacking for people, and they just they don't know how to get that going, and yeah, like you said, get it from wherever you can. Just don't do nothing, you know. Especially if you know you're stuck, and it's oh, girl, it is so hard to do on your own. I have been there, and I'm like, no, I'm the trainer. I've been doing this for this many years. I know how to eat, and I know how to do this, and I know how to like. And I'm a social worker. I have a degree in this. I could get myself off. No, got myself into therapy, and really start talking through things and figuring things out on the mental side. And that was game changer alone. Just not doing that part alone. And then I had a trainer. I'm like, I need eyeballs on me.

Stephanie Mara 37:23

Totally, every single person needs support.

Melissa Vogel 37:26

Yes.

Stephanie Mara 37:27

You know, and so regardless of like whatever profession someone is in listening to this, like every single person needs support. I know some of the best therapists I know are receiving therapy themselves because we all need support in someone else's perspective that sometimes we have blinders on and can't see.

Melissa Vogel 37:47

Absolutely, doctors need doctors, coaches need coaches. We all need that help. We live in a beautiful day and age now where we have phones and social media, and we can use all of that to our advantage. And we're connected to so many people, there's so many downsides to it all. But the good side is it can connect you, and it makes it easier that you don't have to do these hard things alone. You don't. We're advanced. We're too advanced for that.

Stephanie Mara 38:13

You know, just kind of utilizing your wisdom and expertise for a second, because you're like, hey, start doing these things now. And I know this is going to come out before we hit the like toxic january 1, you know, new you BS, and I'm sure you've gone through so many rounds in your profession of this. And I'm wondering if there was anything you were going to offer people now to navigate that time of the year differently, where they're not like sucked into that pull of like everything about me needs to change, and this is gonna be the year I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it by the end of January. Like so much pressure. I'm curious how you've navigated that for yourself or those you've worked with of like not getting kind of sucked into that, but also you know utilizing sometimes that January 1 can feel kind of refreshing that people want to utilize energy, but I'm curious if there's a way to do it that's like around what we're talking about, like self care.

Melissa Vogel 39:07

Yeah, my first question will be to my clients or new people that are coming in at that time because I'm very busy at that time. Of course, you know, like that's my industry. Of course, I'm going to have a lot of new people come in and questions and all of that. My first question is like when they're like, Oh, new year, I'm gonna hit my resolutions. New me. Why? Why? I want you to know. And then I want you to go seven layers deep with that. And it's gonna sound really silly when you're like, "Well, I want to lose 20 pounds." Okay, why? There's layer one. Well, because I put on a lot of weight and I know I look better with it off. Okay, awesome. Why? Why will you feel better and look better? And by the time you get down to seven, oh my God, you're like into their relationship, and you find out it's falling apart. And you know their their 30 pound goal now has to do with a failing marriage, or who knows with what it's revealed a lot, and I'm like that that is why you're doing it. It is not because you're after a new you. It is because you're trying, and we're going to fix this for the rest of your life and the rest of the year. Not just oh January, February, March, and then we're done like we normally are. So anyone going into that of like this is my year I'm gonna do A, B, and C. Why? Get really clear on that why, and that why should push you. It should push you on the days where you're like, oh, snooze. I don't feel like it. Like you should have it written somewhere, and you read that, and it like just is like, oh, yep, never mind. I'm getting my shoes on, and I'm going. Nevermind. That's why.

Stephanie Mara 40:40

Yeah, thank you for that offering. Because, and we've explored things like that here as well of whatever surface level concern or idea that comes up, it's never just about that. And so, I love that you kind of went deeper and deeper and deeper because it does often point to it's not about a weight change. It is not about a body change. These things aren't going to actually drastically change anything about your life. I know we've explored here a lot around just like being thinner doesn't make anything better. Like yeah, you'll be a part of like the thin privileged world, but that doesn't make life any easier.

Melissa Vogel 41:21

Well, and you'll fight to get back to who you were. People don't realize that either. People always think, "Oh, I just fell off the wagon," or the holidays hit, and I put on all this weight after they lost weight, or did a boot camp, or something, you know, and they hit these great goals. They didn't do any work up here. Their body doesn't even know how to really sustain that physically, but then mentally, they're still that old person, and you will self sabotage to get back to what is familiar. You know, our brain loves what's familiar, and people think, Oh no, it's because I had a had a kid. Oh no, it's because I lost my job. Oh no, it's because kids got sick or whatever reason we like to feed ourselves why we gain that weight bag. Oh, I don't have time. No, you were actually trying to chase and get back to who you were because you didn't do the mental work as well as the physical work at the same time.

Stephanie Mara 42:10

Yeah, thank you for naming that because like your external appearance can change, but if your internal world is exactly the same, that like that is not a sustainable experience because your body hasn't internally updated the way that you think, believe, or even operate in your nervous system to be the different person that you want to be. That's such an important thing to remember, especially as you go through this January 1 time. That it's like, hey, what's my why here? And let me get really, really kind of real with myself of like, what is going on in my life? What patterns have I continued to play out? What am I continuing to believe? And even as we're talking about who has been driving the bus, or even who is making this decision right now, that they think that it will change my entire life if I do this thing, and like I don't actually know that.

Melissa Vogel 43:00

Right. It's all of the things that need to come together. But we are led to believe that oh, breaking this habit, relationship with food, getting skinnier, it should be very simple, I just need to do this, and that's not true at all. It's all of this. All of this has to come together, and that's when people are like, How do you do it? How did you hit your goals? How did you maintain it and stuff? How much time do you have? Because I know you're waiting for me to tell you a really good squat move to do.

Stephanie Mara 43:37

Totally, I get the same question of like, But how did you get over binge eating? And I'm just like, there are so many layers to this, and that it's like, yeah, just as you're talking about, it's chipping away at what can I start to step into, practice, believe that is reshaping how you're operating internally, and less focus about the external behavior you think needs to change.

Melissa Vogel 44:04

Yes, what you do is so cool. Like what you've accomplished. Like I am so glad that we got connected because I see everything you're doing, and it feels alone, like very lonely out there sometimes in in our world and actually doing it. And all we have to do is pick up our phone, go to Instagram or Facebook, and there's like 30 people saying exact opposite of what we're saying.

Stephanie Mara 44:27

Yeah, absolutely.

Melissa Vogel 44:28

I don't think people realize the battle that you and I fight and every day for people to actually live their best life ever. We're up against a lot.

Stephanie Mara 44:38

Yeah, no, I'm so glad that we got connected as well, and it's always so refreshing to also be able to be in conversation with people who get it that there is a different way, and that you don't have to do this mainstream way to get after the life that you want to live. And yeah, sometimes it is continuing to kind of like be a rebel in these spaces to be like, ahhhh, like, hey, over here! I got your best intentions in in mind here. So, like, yeah, this isn't the only way. And so, I'm curious as we wrap up here. You know, I always like to offer individuals a baby step, and with everything that we explore today, you've offered so many baby steps already. I'm curious if there's anything else that you would add in how people might navigate their self care, their internal world, their physical movement journeys.

Melissa Vogel 45:28

Make walking a priority. It is a game changer. If you walk every day 20, 40 minutes, shoot, I take even 10 minutes with some people, but there is something magical about moving your body in that way, being out in nature, and just connecting with self, moving, having your thoughts. And I don't care if you listen to a podcast or whatever, but you're actually doing it. And then you can set it so it's like I do this every day. I walk every day at this time, and you don't realize it, but you are developing strong habits and belief that, like, I can set a goal and I can actually do something every single day. Because a lot of people, they don't realize how much their goal or I'm going to do this fizzles out within two or three weeks. And if you can keep walking past three weeks and get it into four, and then six, and then eight. You've developed a whole new habit. You've taught yourself all new lessons, and you've probably lost a couple pounds too. If we're being honest, so baby step with a walk.

Stephanie Mara 46:33

I love that because walking sounds like this really simple thing. It's free. It's available. You can do it anywhere. You can just step outside your door and do do it. You can walk outside. You can walk around your own house or apartment. Like it's just so available. It's right there, and there's so many things beyond of it. Just like like you've been naming of you know even the health benefits of it. It helps you start to experience your body differently, where it is capable to move. It you can like the benefits of like aimless walking, of just like being able to experience the world and your senses, and like put yourself in different environments and give yourself an opportunity to do something different in your day. I love that suggestion because it's it's so simple and small, but it's so powerful and profound.

Melissa Vogel 47:25

So powerful, yeah. Just try it. It's a game changer. It's one of the things that's a game changer.

Stephanie Mara 47:30

Yeah. Well, thank you so much again for being here. I'm curious how individuals can keep in touch with you and your work.

Melissa Vogel 47:36

Yeah. So listen to the Bomb Life podcast. We have episodes coming out every single Thursday, and then everywhere on social media, it's itsMelissaVogel. So you can find me on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, all of it, and you can follow me.

Stephanie Mara 47:50

Awesome! I will put all of those links in the show notes, and just thank you so much again for being here and sharing everything that you did.

Melissa Vogel 47:56

Oh, thank you! This is great.

Stephanie Mara 47:58

Yeah, absolutely. Well, to everyone listening, if you have any questions or aha moments from this episode, email me at support@stephaniemera.com anytime. And I hope you all have a safe sheeting and safety-producing rest of the day. Bye!

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