Owning The Parts of You That You Judge

Self judgment often fuels the food and body habits and patterns that we want to go away. When we judge ourselves we put our body into a stress response where we're more likely to reach for food to self soothe, restrict our intake to try to gain a sense of control, or overexercise to drown out the loud harsh internal voices. Not only have I seen this with those I work with, I have been through this myself as well. These patterns cannot change until we start to change the way we're interacting with us.

So let's get personal today. I'm going to list some traits about myself that I used to consider were "bad" and that I needed to hide from others.

I’m stubborn

I’m opinionated

I’m dramatic

Your Turn!

I want you to now list three things that you feel you need to hide about yourself from others. We can engage in this exercise here together right now. There is light and dark to every trait we have about ourselves. Often, we focus too much on the dark side of our traits that we miss out on seeing the light. When we appreciate all parts and pieces of ourselves, we shift into a relaxation response where it is easier to heal and to think clearly to make the best decisions for ourselves.

First, I'm stubborn.

The light of stubbornness is conviction. I hold firm to the things I believe. The morals and values I have for my life are so important to me and I strive to live by those every day. My conviction has guided me in my life so that I know when I need to set a boundary with someone who does not feel supportive to my being and how I want to show up in the world. Your sense of stubbornness and conviction can guide you in your life around what boundaries you need to set with others so that you can thrive.

Second, I'm opinionated.

The light of opinionated is outspoken. When I see something that feels like an injustice, I speak up, I give back, I'm outspoken. To be opinionated doesn't have to mean close-minded. Instead, it might mean that the opinions you have need to be spoken about and that you have a fresh perspective that needs to be heard. What we speak up about may not be popular opinion and that is alright. The opinion you speak about may be something that needs to be heard so others can feel seen.

Third, I'm dramatic.

The light of dramatic is passionate. I grew up in the theater world. What I loved deeply about being involved in a production was all the passionate people. I have always felt things very strongly and until I got involved in theater, I never quite had an outlet for it. There is nothing like being cast as one of the lead roles in a show who gets to throw their shoe at someone else on stage. I have been told a lot throughout my life, "Don't be so dramatic!" What I realized over time is that how intensely I feel and express things can feel uncomfortable to others. It never really had to do with me. I show up with an immense amount of passion in the work I do now to support others in stepping into the lives they want to be living. Everyone deserves to feel passionate and alive.

Whatever you listed as traits that you have seen as negative, it is time to own them.

When we disown parts of ourselves, they hang out in the background desiring and wanting our attention. It is like a crying child who needs to express something to us. If we ignore them, they just get louder. When we turn around and face the parts of us we have told ourselves are wrong or bad or can't be accepted we give them space to be heard and seen and held. Judgmental might mean you're discerning. Perfectionistic might mean you have high aspirations. Start to get curious what these parts and pieces of you have taught you about you and what are the gifts they have to offer. They may be expressing themselves in ways that don't feel supportive as they're trying to get your attention.

For example, let's say your perfectionist picks on you at every meal. They say you need to eat perfectly or else. Your perfectionist is trying to do an amazing job at taking care of you but they are doing so in a way that actually doesn't feel supportive to you long term. Instead of seeing your perfectionist as the thing you need to get rid of, get curious how could you express this part of you differently. Maybe that is utilizing your perfectionist to praise you for what a perfect job you're doing at striving to take the best care of you by eating in a meal. Your perfectionist is still there a part of the eating experience but you're utilizing their presence in a very different way.

Or let's say you have a flare for the dramatic like me. Your inner dramatizer tells you that unless you change your body no one is going to love and accept you. Nice one dramatizer! Very dramatic of you. You get to own the presence of your inner dramatizer and utilize their gifts in a different way. You get to feel so passionate about being in relationship with your body differently. Instead of having your dramatizer pick on you, use their passion to get into your body to experience that you can be loved and accepted just as you are right here and right now. Notice the passion build inside of you to want to be in relationship with your body in a new way; not that your body is the thing that needs to change. Maybe you express this passion by going into a room in your home and dancing out the passion inside of you. This way you get to own the drama being created inside of you and you express it in a way that nourishes you and connects you to you instead of pushing you away from yourself.

So here is what this process can look like:

1. Identify the part of you that you may be trying to ignore or judging yourself about.

2. Welcome them in. Welcome the judger, the criticizer, the perfectionist, the workaholic, the dramatizer, the worrier all to the table.

3. Get curious what their beliefs are, why they feel they are supporting you, what their talents are, and how you could use their skills in new and different ways that support you in feeling more connected to you and light you up.

All of you can be accepted. All of you can be embraced. The interesting thing about this process is that the more we appreciate all parts of ourselves, the calmer and safer we feel in our body where your relationship with food will naturally start to shift and change without any extra effort at all. Please know you're not alone on this journey. Did you know I have a private Facebook group to support you on your food and body journey? It is called Satiated: A Hunger Healing Community. I would love to see you over there! You don't have to navigate this healing adventure on your own.