Help! My Clothes No Longer Fit and I'm Freaking Out. What Do I Do?
I will never forget the moment in middle school when I was walking down the hallways and realized that every girl was wearing tight fitting jeans and there I was in baggy khakis.
I will never forget the summer before my junior year of college returning home from studying abroad and my tight jeans no longer fitting anymore.
What have you connected to these sizes?
Size 2, Size 4, Size 6, Size 8, Size 10, Size 12, Size 14, Size 16, Size XL, Size XXL
How did you feel in your body when I went through these different experiences, numbers, and sizes?
We learn from diet culture, movies, books and descriptions of different characters about what different body shapes mean.Societal pressures and media create unrealistic expectations about what your body "should" look like. So when your clothes stop fitting your body perceives this as you're in danger. You feel anxiety and panic as this has become symbolic of your ability to be loved, feel like you belong, to even being treated with respect.
This can spark increased anxiety, stress, and even panic. It's normalized in movies to have meltdowns in fitting rooms. As soon as you feel your clothes fitting differently your body processes this as a threat. Your nervous system responds by activating the sympathetic nervous system, leading to feelings of fear, stress, worry, and frustration. It can feel difficult to not get caught up in the harsh internal criticism that can arise and the overwhelming feeling like you have to go back on a diet immediately.
What can you do in that moment when your body's been activated? Here are 4 somatic practices you can explore:
1. Look for cues of safety.
Take a moment to stop tugging at your shirt, trying to button up those pants or even trying to get them to go all the way up on your legs (I've been there!) and look around the room. When you go into a fight or flight response it can feel like you have tunnel vision. All you see is the threat, which in this circumstance are the clothes not fitting your body. Even with only one arm through a sleeve or your pants unbuttoned, notice what feels safe around you. This could be an object, a fur friend, another human, what's outside your window, a color, the shape of the mirror in front of you, how the carpet feels underneath your feet, truly whatever your eyes land on and you feel a sense of ease and warmth in your body. You can show your body that even now you're safe. Nothing in your life has actually changed. You are the exact same wonderful human being now that you were before you tried on those clothes. At this point, you can't talk your way out of feeling threatened by your clothing experience. You can show up for your body and let it experience that you're still safe.
2. Slow down your breath.
When your body activates the sympathetic nervous system to fight or flee from danger, your breath gets shallow and quick. Track your breathing as you come into relationship with clothes. You might notice that your breath has sped up even before you tried on a piece of clothing. If you're trying on clothes that you haven't put on your body in awhile, you might start getting nervous and anxious just thinking about putting those clothes on your body. So before, during, and after, practice taking deep, slow breaths. You can inhale through your nose on a count of 4 and exhale out your mouth for a count of 6 for a grounding breath. Let's even practice this right now together. On an inhale of 4 through your nose. 1, 2, 3, 4. And then an exhale out your mouth on a count of 6. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. This can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and support you in feeling relaxed. You can do this for another 2-3 rounds right now wherever you are.
3. Name your emotions.
Often the experience of shame can increase when you try to make things better. When you tell yourself you shouldn't feel how you feel or you try to gratitude your way out of feeling how you feel like, "I should be grateful for my body," this can increase the experience of shame. Not only is shame coming up in as response to your clothes not fitting, but also now because of pushing away how you feel about it. You're allowed to feel disappointed, frustrated, and sad when clothes don't fit. When that sinking feeling comes up in the pit of your stomach when you realize that piece of clothing, in that size doesn't match your current day body, take a deep breath and name how you feel. This is just one moment you're having with your body and it will pass.
4. Wear relaxing clothes.
Lastly, after you try on a piece of clothing that doesn't honor your present day body, your body is going to need support for the entire day that there is no danger around you and nothing is threatening. Be very conscientious about the clothes you choose to wear. Make sure they are experienced as relaxing to your body. Nothing too tight. Pick out something in your wardrobe that supports you in feeling spacious and free and get curious about the colors you would also like to wear that feel calming and soothing. The clothes that comfortably shape to your body can also by an ally and a resource to experience that there is clothing out there that feels respectful to your size, your curves, and your presence in this world.
By getting curious about your nervous system state when trying on clothes, you can observe and track what is being perceived as a cue of danger. Signs of increased stress, anxiety, panic, and overwhelm are letting you know that your body has activated your sympathetic nervous system to protect you. With this awareness, you can support your body with some of these somatic practices to show it that you're safe and everything is going to be alright. With time and practice, you can learn to regulate your nervous system and feel more at ease in your own skin, regardless of your clothing size.
If you'd like to support the Satiated Podcast and all the many ways it has supported you in your relationship with your food and body, go HERE and become a monthly supporter. You can contribute $3.00, $5.00, $8.00, or $10.00. Any little bit is hugely appreciated. Thank you so much for being here and if you practice any of these somatic regulation acts when interacting with clothes, email me at support@stephaniemara.com anytime and I'd love to hear how it's going for you!