How Trauma Alters Your Sense of Self and Eating Habits
Whenever I talk about trauma, I like to reiterate what trauma is as the topic of trauma has become so popularized that everything has become trauma. So first, trauma is not about the event, it is how the body processes the event. And these events that are processed as traumatic are anything that feels too much too fast or too little for too long and there was no coregulation present to send the message to the body in this experience that it is safe and everything will be alright.
When you’ve experienced these traumatic situations, you left your body to be able to survive.
The overwhelm, fear, or terror that might have been there was too much for your body to process and be with. Dissociation is a wise strategy. When it all felt like too much, you could say, "Peace, I'm out." On a side note, if you experience dissociation, which I have plenty, it can be interesting to learn where do you go. Just because you're not in your body, doesn't mean you can't be aware of where you have gone. When I tune in during dissociated moments, I'm typically behind my right shoulder like I've got my own back but at a distance. So you can get curious if you're around yourself, hovering above yourself, or even have left the room entirely.
Anyways, trauma alters the way you experience bodily sensations when you do note them. A racing heart can feel like panic rather than excitement. An empty stomach might trigger fear rather than curiosity about food. Over time, the body learns to suppress or disconnect from these cues in an attempt to stay safe. This survival adaptation can fracture your sense of self. When you can’t clearly feel your body’s needs, it becomes harder to feel anchored in who you are.
Body detachment provided you with short term safety…
but affected your ability to know how you feel, to understand if you’re hungry or full, or to know what you need and when. This lowered your interoception or ability to sense and interpret your internal signals in your body. Your nervous system adapted by blunting, distorting, or overriding internal signals to survive overwhelming experiences. If you feel utterly confused most days about if you're hungry or full until you're starving or uncomfortably full or realize you've gone a whole day without drinking water or going to the bathroom, these can be signs that interoception is low.
You may be experiencing interoceptive confusion where you don't have reliable signals to guide you. This is where food rules and diets have sometimes stepped in to help give you any kind of guidelines or structure with food. Yet, this is also where patterns of restricting and binge eating come in as well. Binge eating can occur to help you feel something, anything, and an attempt at trying to figure out what you need. The rush of flavors, textures, and fullness provides an immediate anchor in the body — a way to feel something when numbness dominates. On the other hand, restriction may reflect an attempt to avoid confusing or overwhelming internal sensations altogether, keeping the body quiet and controlled. Both responses make sense as adaptations to interoceptive confusion, but they also perpetuate a cycle of mistrust between the self and the body.
A sense of self is created partly through a felt experience of the body…
knowing when you are tired, when you need connection, when you’ve had enough. Trauma disrupts receiving this bodily feedback, which can leave you feeling “out of touch” with yourself, relying on external validation, or doubting your own perceptions or decisions. You may question: “Do I really want this, or am I just following someone else’s rules? Am I hungry, or anxious? Do I feel full, or am I numb?” These uncertainties reveal the larger struggle of not feeling like you can fully trust yourself after trauma.
Somatically, this can create a vicious cycle. The more you feel disconnected from your body's feedback and signals, the more likely you are to use food in dysregulated ways, either ignoring your food needs or trying to override them. These food behaviors can increase feelings of shame, making your sense of self feel even shakier. Over time, eating can feel like a battleground rather than a nurturing act, further solidifying the idea that the body is not a trustworthy ally. Eating becomes a strong mirror reflecting this interoceptive confusion, which can feel frustrating, that you find yourself trying to stay away from food or eating all of it to not feel the discomfort of not knowing how you feel or what you need.
Increasing interoceptive awareness is key to decreasing patterns of binge eating and restriction.
And, healing interoceptive confusion requires more than just “listening to your body.” It requires increasing your capacity to feel and interpret your body's feedback safely. The nervous system is updated through repetition. This is where somatic practices come in that help you to track subtle sensations and gently increase your tolerance for emotions. The greater capacity you can have to be with yourself, to interpret your body's messages, and to respond to what you're receiving can increase your sense of self and anchor you back in your body.
When starting interoceptive practices, I suggest doing them away from food when dissociation or overwhelming sensations can be high. One small interoceptive practice you can start to incorporate at other non-food times of the day can be taking a pause at some random moment in the day and track your breath or your temperature. You can place a hand on your chest or belly and describe if your breath is shallow or deep, fast or slow, smooth or tight. This isn't with the intention of trying to change what is happening but rather to simply be with your breath as it is. If that feels like too much then you can also play with choosing a body part and describing its temperature. Are your fingers warm or cold or neutral? Then, after you've practiced noticing how your body feels, you can look around the room and notice you are safe and nothing bad happened to update that it is safe to connect with your body. As interoception repairs, eating can shift from a battleground into a conversation where your body’s signals are trusted again.
I hope this episode felt supportive and I wanted to give you all a heads up that every end of summer into Fall, I take a little break from putting out new episodes to assess what new areas of food and body I can explore here with you. So, over the next month or so, here are ways you can keep in touch with me.
First, make sure you're on my newsletter as I will still be sending out emails and updates during this time. Second, check out some of the replays of my workshops. If you miss out on attending my Reclaiming Your Body Image workshop coming up this Wednesday, you will still be able to click on the link in the show notes to watch the replay. Be sure you're on the waitlist for the Somatic Eating® Program that I teach live twice a year. When I come back, doors will be reopening to be a part of the next 3 month live class.
Last, I currently have openings in my private practice so if you want to work with me 1:1, schedule a free 20 minute Connect Call with me HERE and we can chat further about working together. All of these links will be in the show notes.
I'm starting my 3rd semester of my PhD in two weeks, and I'm excited to share all of the new things I will be learning with you here. I hope you all have a satiating and safety producing rest of your summer and smooth transition into Fall and I'll see you all in October!