How to Regulate Your Nervous System in the Face of Diet Culture Comments During the Holiday Season

I grew up with certain family members always making comments on other's appearance. I know very well how frustrating it can feel to constantly have your body talked about or be around people who talk about other's bodies as if this is a normal thing that we do.

The last time you were at a holiday party and someone made some comment about yours or someone else's eating or appearance, how did you feel? You might even check in with your body right now and notice any bodily reactions, emotions, or sensations as you reflect on the people you might be around in a few weeks and the possible dialogues you might be navigating soon.

During this holiday season, receiving or hearing comments about what you’re eating or how you look can put your body into a fight, flight, freeze, or flop state. When you’re around people you once relied on to survive in this world, your body can perceive those comments as highly threatening to your sense of safety and security. It's not just about your body and food. It becomes about, will I survive in this world and will those around me protect and care for me. Something that is meant to have so much safety around it, i.e. being in our bodies and eating food, becomes dangerous and threatening to our wellbeing.

Additionally, when you get around parents, siblings, family, and environments that you grew up around, your body remembers the lack of safety you have potentially experienced in the past with these people in these places. Automatically, when you enter into these situations your body might have already moved into a dysregulated state where it's much harder to show up as the person you know yourself to be and eat in the ways that feel best to you. Your body is primed to react and then you receive these comments which further sends your body into a survival state. 

We also get these messages from diet culture that what you eat during the holidays is under your control. I'm sure you've also seen those articles that talk about what to eat before your holiday to curb your appetite or the best exercise to do after your holiday meal or here's what to fill your plate with and what to leave off. This is diet culture in action. And if the people you're going to be around are entrenched in diet culture that will reflect in the kinds of things they say.

This can sound like:

"I'm really going to have to make up for this tomorrow."

"I can't eat that it will make me gain weight."

"How are you going back for seconds?"

"I ate nothing all day."

It is not your job to get them out of diet culture and they may not be ready yet to face how dysregulating their patterns with food are and how unsafe they already feel inside of their body. What's most important is your sense of connection with yourself and staying close to your needs and satiating them.

Today, I have a nervous system regulating action plan for you.

1. Regulate before

As many of you know, I used to be an actress. Many in the theater world have pre-audition rituals they engage in. Mine would be listening to music that moved me, connected me to my heart, and brought me into the present moment. I needed as little stimulation as possible so I would barely interact with other people and I would kind of create this bubble for myself. Around the holidays, you're about to enter the lion's den and you need to create your own protective bubble. Schedule a minimum of 5 minutes for yourself before you drive to where you're going. Listen to music, dance, sing, laugh, meditate, take a walk, do anything that supports you in feeling connected to you. This can also include bringing something with you in your pocket or a specific piece of clothing or jewelry that is a glimmer of joy for you to interact with especially when you start hearing these comments.

2. Check in during

Just as we have talked about here that there is coregulation there is also co-dysregulation. While you've perhaps done an amazing job at regulating yourself before you arrive at your holiday gathering, you may find yourself around many dysregulated individuals. And because our body wants to team up with the bodies around us, it's not your fault if you start to feel a little dysregulated by the people, the environment, the conversations, and the food. If needed, set a few alarms for yourself that can go off on your phone, or use an app like Reminderbase that can send a text message to you. When your reminder goes off, this is a moment to breathe, check in with yourself, name how you're feeling, or perhaps take your body into an environment that feels like you can get a second alone like the bathroom or your car.

3. Process after

Have you ever had to plan something at a job and there was a debrief meeting afterward? This was a meeting where you all talked about what went well, what didn't go as smoothly as you all wished, and what you might do differently next time. You'll want to explore engaging in something similar for yourself. We grow through self-reflection. You absolutely did the best you could to not snap your mother's head off or tell your uncle to shut up. When your sympathetic nervous system is activated you move into a different part of your body and brain where you will do anything to protect yourself. This means that you will say things or act in ways that are not characteristic of the person you know yourself to be when you're in the parasympathetic nervous system, safety and relaxation. You can journal, create art, or move to music to express all the emotions and reactions that came up for you through your holiday gathering.

One important part of your post-holiday gathering processing is to acknowledge yourself. Appreciate yourself for all you’re doing to show up for you and to send the message to your nervous system that you're safe. This is not easy work to engage in and you're doing it. If you try out this nervous system regulation action plan, email me at support@stephaniemara.com and let me know how it went!

Lastly, if you've been loving the Satiated Podcast and finding great support from it, there are many ways to give back to the show by checking out the links in my show notes. One, in particular, is you can join Satiated+ and become a supporter of the show and donate $3.00, $5.00, $8.00, or $10.00 a month and once 20 people have joined Satiated+, I'm going to start offering Q+A and ask me anything calls. If you're a supporter in Satiated+ you will receive an email with further details.