How To Create A Loving Response To Yourself And Others

I never thought of myself as an eloquent communicator. In the past month, I have received some beautiful feedback on how supportive my writing and responses have been.

Honestly, as a kid and teenager, I would often just blurt things out so thoughtful responses have taken a lot of practice. With so many turning to social media for support, I thought I would offer what I have discovered has been supportive to craft a response to another that supports someone with feeling seen and held through your writing. Additionally, these tips can be used in creating a loving response to yourself.

First, there is nothing to fix. No matter what is coming up for someone, we get to empathize and offer compassion. We can normalize whatever is coming up so that individual feels safe to feel whatever they're feeling. When we decrease judgment, shame, and guilt that is when our emotions can decrease with intensity as we embrace and accept whatever is showing up.

Second, connect with your heart before responding. When you speak from your heart, you can’t get it wrong. We all just want to feel seen, held, and heard in our human experiences. Your words can support someone in feeling not so alone.

Third, listen beyond someone's surface-level words. Someone's words are speaking to the pain, frustration, disappointment, sadness they are experiencing. When we speak to someone's emotions, we drop below the story their mind is creating and guide them into their body to help move their emotions through their body by being acknowledged and attended to.

Last, step into someone’s pain before you write. Stop thinking about the “perfect” or “right” thing to say. Ask questions and get curious about how that person wants to be supported. Don't assume. There is a great video by Brene Brown about the difference between Empathy and Sympathy that you can find here. Offering empathy and compassion, we support someone with feeling safe and held in their human experience and not so alone in the pain they are processing. Only offer suggestions or guidance if asked.

You can apply these inquiries to yourself by connecting with the part of you having an emotional response and imagine yourself as their dear friend and loved one. This is a practice you can engage in, again and again, to meet yourself and others with gentle loving-kindness, which is something we all deserve.