How to Be With The Intense Longing and Desire for Your Binge Eating To Go Away Now

I have not engaged in a binge eating experience for over a decade now. But, prior to that, binge eating would come and go in my life. I would go through periods of binging and then utilize dieting as a way to put a stop to all of it. Of course, the binge eating would come back at some point because I had not addressed what was fueling my binging.

When I finally started to heal the dysregulation in my body, I was also at a point where I no longer had it in me to diet. I saw how ineffective, restrictive, and disconnecting dieting was and I didn't want to do it anymore. That meant though that I would find myself in binge eating behaviors several times every week with what felt like no out.

It was deeply uncomfortable and I wasn't ready to let it go. You might be at this point in your food healing journey now. You see yourself binging over and over again, you know it's not supportive to you, you know how uncomfortable it leaves you feeling, and yet thinking of NOT binging as a coping mechanism feels overwhelming.

This can be incredibly confusing.

You have this longing for the binge eating to stop and you watch yourself day after day, night after night, still binge eating and not doing whatever it takes to make this behavior end. What can come up in that space is shame, judgment, hopelessness, and despair. You might wonder why you can't get yourself under control.

In my personal and professional experience, you won't have a day where the binging will just stop. There won't be a day where you say, "well I'm done with that" and then never binge again. It will be a slow, gradual, healing process. On that path, it's addressing and attending to what binge eating is helping you with. The binge eating will continue for a period of time as you very slowly come back into connection with your body and what it's holding onto.

So you might wonder, as you heal, how do you be with the part of you that judges you, and deeply wants the binge eating to be over with already.

I often like to say that it's never too late to check in with yourself. Sometimes you're going to feel regulated enough to check in with yourself before you binge, sometimes during, and sometimes after. When you're able, the work will be to check in with yourself and name the intense desire for your binge eating to go away that you would do anything, including go on a diet, restrict, and throw out all of the foods you have learned to label as bad.

In that moment, it may feel like the binge eating is the problem that needs to be fixed. And, what we actually need to get curious about is your capacity to sit with discomfort. Binging occurs when you're in a fight, flight, or freeze response. You already felt uncomfortable in your body and eating was a way to try to bring in more ease. The issue is that you would need to keep eating to never feel that discomfort. Binge eating is not the problem, it's the doorway. It will take time to make discomfort feel safe to be with.

Dr. Dan Siegel came up with the saying, "Name it to tame it." Neuroimaging studies have found that when we name our emotions it reduces activity in our amygdala which is the part of our brain that responds to stress and fear. And, it increases activity in your prefrontal cortex which is the part of your brain involved in planning, logic, reason, and rational thinking. Naming your emotions can support you in feeling calmer and gives you space to reflect on your choices. You will be able to more respond to yourself instead of react.

While it may feel like a small act, it is quite powerful to simply name that you want your binge eating to go away.

You can be with that longing and desire without trying to change it, act on it, or make it go away. You can give yourself space to be with what is arising for you and that it is completely fine to feel that way. You can notice how it feels in your body and follow any body impulses you may have to kick or push or shake. This will be one small step toward sitting with discomfort even if it's only for one second.