Do You Fear Gaining Weight? Try These 3 Somatic Practices

For many years of my life, I had a deep fear of gaining weight. My body shape had been connected to my ability to find love and be loved. My body had been connected to my worth. My body had been connected to my ability to be liked.

Does this sound familiar at all? What has your body shape been connected to? Where did you learn that having a thinner body would be better?

For myself, it came in from Seventeen Magazine. It came from my closest guy friends telling me to lose weight. It came from observation of how individuals in middle school, in high school were treated differently. It came from Disney movies.

And then my parents got divorced and my body became the place where I could distract myself from pain, where I could gain some sense of control, where I could get to decide what, when, and how to eat and move and no one could decide that for me.

It took a very long time to unravel this all and the change did not occur by working on loving my body. Rather, the change occurred as I felt safer in my body without it needing to change at all.

The thing is that you can't talk your way out of a fear of gaining weight. This experience of threat to your sense of safety is happening in your body. A weight change has been connected to so much. If anyone has ever told you to just let it go that would be like taking away a baby's favorite stuffed animal that helps them to fall asleep. The perceived sense that you have control over your body and it's weight is serving and supporting you in many ways. To shift the fear of your body changing will need to include making your body feel safe to inhabit again just as it is.

When you hear the internal dialogue that your body needs to change, that you MUST lose weight, that this body is unacceptable, begin to experience that as information of the state of your body. It often doesn't really have to do with your body image. If fearing a weight change has been your way to distract yourself and to gain control then when you feel that fear it's your red flag that you feel unsafe, that something in your life is out of your control, that things externally perhaps are too overwhelming and so you're going to your safe place of overly focusing on your body and its weight and shape.

And because we live in a fatphobic society, your fears are justified and real. Living in any other body shape than what has been deemed as the optimal and acceptable body shape to have can be felt as a constant threat to your sense of safety. You're already living in a body that you have perhaps received messages could never be acceptable further sending your nervous system into a constant fight or flight response.

When you notice the intense urge to go back on a diet, look in the mirror with eyes of disdain, and judge your body, try some of these somatic practices:

1. If you feel stuck like you can't move or do anything, put on some music and dance it out. Shaking sends the message to your body that the danger has passed and that your fight or flight response can turn off. Wiggle, move, jump up and down, get your body into the music. Your body is being perceived as the danger and getting into your body and moving it you can experience that this body is safe to be in.

2. If you feel like you need to run away from yourself or fight your body, sit with your feet on the floor and bring your attention down to your feet. Make your exhales longer than your inhales. Here you want to ground your energy and feel the safety of being in your body in this moment. You can't escape your body. It's there with you everywhere you go. The practice here can be slowing down and attending to a body part that feels safe to bring your focus to so that your body can stop being perceived as the threat.

3. The goal here is to invite a sense of safety back into your body so another tool you can experiment with is called the Butterfly Hug. This technique comes from EMDR to support with feeling safe when processing trauma. Interlock your thumbs over your chest. Flap your palms up and down slowly like a butterfly. You can flap your right hand and then your left hand and repeat 10 times. Then pause and notice how you feel.

This fear of a weight change may continue to arise. That's alright. It's not a problem. Begin to experience those thoughts as your body's way of letting you know it needs your support in feeling safe, welcomed, and like it belongs here. You can support your body in feeling that way now and now and now and now. No body change needed.

If you're looking for more support on this journey, reach out to me at support@stephaniemara.com anytime.